on how to write a real tragedy.

Remember Rosaline? She was Romeo’s beloved of whom he insisted that “One fairer than my love! the all-seeing sun / Ne’er saw her match since first the world begun.” Well, Romeo’s sentiments were soon to be cast into the nihilistic tides of forgetfulness when Juliet arrived on the scene. This, I think, was the moral of the story: had Romeo and Juliet not committed suicide, Juliet would have become the new Rosaline and Romeo would have found himself a new Juliet. Thus is the profundity of romantic love. But, of course, we never would have bought into such a true story, so Shakespeare had his lovers commit suicide at the climax of their passion, knowing full well that instead of getting the hint, we’d romanticize it as the tragic fate of two star-crossed soul mates.

Well, the joke’s on us.

Compare her face with some that I shall show,

I will make thee think thy swan a crow.
– Benvolio on Rosaline (to Romeo)

Since you’ve been gone, since you’ve moved on
the razors make my stomach turn
my heart feels as if it will forever burn.

But once you’re really gone, and once I can really move on
the curves of another I’ll find just as smooth
the milk of which will equally soothe.